{rut rut rut!}

I am officially in a rut (in case yesterday's post didn't tip you off..haha).

I know what to do.

I just can't find the will to do it.

I feel like my mind is one of those glass boxes that shoot dollar bills into the air and the kid has to catch as many as he can in 15 seconds. Swirling, swirling. Seeing it all, but just out of reach.

I asked my husband, what I have done for the past 3 weeks? I asked him because I like to think out loud to him. I was really asking myself.

And I don't really know. I feel like I've been so busy, yet I don't feel like I've accomplished much. I think that's just life sometimes. It's so easy to get caught up in it and then time slips by quicker each day.

But I don't want that! Shouldn't life be lived with purpose? I want to be more mindful of what I'm doing. moving forward each day, not treading water.

Which makes me wonder, what is compelling me to make these same choices day after day?

{back to basics}

So as it turns out, it's super easy to talk about being ambitious...to want it so much. I fell short in the actually being aspect of it. And so here I sit. Stressed out. Frustrated. Feeling literally sick to my stomach.

The scale is up 2lbs from the end of the competition, not horrific, but I know I've gained back some inches.

This morning I bailed on my friends who invited me to go to boot camp (again) and I tried making up for it by lacing up my running shoes and resuming my 5k training. About 5 minutes and 30 seconds into it, I felt like I was going to die. I wasn't prepared. At. All. Sure, I'd stretched and all that, but I wasn't hydrated and I'm fairly certain cinnamon sugar on toast and a diet dr. pepper doesn't qualify as a balanced breakfast (Seriously Deborah?? You know better). Realizing it would be foolish to continue running (jogging? shuffling?) in the desert without having had a drop of water in the past 12ish hours I headed home.

So it has me thinking about preparing myself and what choices need to be made so I'm not where I'm at right now, because let me tell you, it bites.

{Ambitious}

This morning I pulled out some "skinny" clothes and tried them on, just for kicks. Um, yikes.

{Side note: Can I just say how much I love this outfit? There is just something so cute about a plain white tee and a pair cute of jeans. But it's not something I wear very often, because wearing white makes me feel like a marshmallow. It's true.}

Anyway, so I yanked on my jeans and while I was excited at being able to pull them on and zip them up, I was most definitely not stoked about the muffin top they produced. BUT they inspire me. It's exciting that less than 2 years ago I was able to fit my body into those jeans, and you know, actually wear them in public:)

So I thought I would have my sweet husband snap a couple of before pictures. After taking a good look at all that marshmallowy muffin topped goodness I started to doubt myself and asked him, "Do you think I'm being too ambitious?" to which he promptly replied "No, I don't think you're being ambitious."*
and the part of me that is sick of being where I'm at piped up and said 'You know what? I want to be ambitious!'

And there you have it. I want to be ambitious. In fact, I've decided to embrace ambitiousness. I want to challenge myself and become stronger both  physically and emotionally.

So in the sake of being ambitious and all that, and staying accountable, I'm posting the pictures.
Front and side view now and in 7 weeks I'll do it again, hopefully without the muffin top:)

*I should clarify, my husband meant to say I'm not being too ambitious. I'm kind of happy about the mix up though, it helped me to see I want to keep moving forward:)

{sometimes..}

Sometimes you have to forget everything else.
Every fear.
Every insecurity.
Every doubt.
Every reason to give in, to give up.
And move forward.
Be conscious.
Be present.
Choose to delay gratification.
And do what will ultimately make you happy.

{Win, Lose, or Blog Finale}

I'm not ready for these to be my "after" photos, I've still got a long ways to go!

But here are some pictures taken at the start of the competition:

(yikes!)

Here are some more recent ones..

and side..

I lost a total of 13.6lbs in 7 weeks, but what's really exciting is that I lost 27.5 inches!

10 inches came off my waist!

Now that the competition is over I really want to keep going! So I'll be blogging much more regularly to help keep me focused and on track. If you're new here please say "hi!" And if you have a blog I'd love to come check it out. Anyway, I have lots of fun things planned so check back soon!